A few years ago a friend was telling me about some of his difficulties in raising his young son. He said the boy’s grades were good and he was well-behaved for the most part, but that he tended to be a little bit selfish and had a lack of concern for others. With a heart-felt sincerity, he asked me, “Greg, how do you teach a kid to not be selfish and to care about others?” When he asked that question, several things went through my mind and heart all at once.
First, I thought about how honored I was that he thought I might have an answer that would help out. When anyone asks me for advice, it’s something I take seriously. They don’t need to hear clichés and trite answers.
Secondly, I thought about how important my response would be. This father had a real concern. Some father’s are only concerned about whether their son “makes the team” or gets good grades in school. They don’t seem to care as much about teaching their sons how to be caring and giving individuals. This was a “good” dad who wanted to be a “better” dad.
Thirdly, I was going through my “mental filing cabinet” trying to pull out all of the messages and lessons I had heard over the years on parenting and training children.
Yes, all of this was going on inside my head and heart during my five second pause after he asked the question.
Then, as it has happened on a few other occasions in my life, the answer that I was about to give was interrupted by the answer that God gave me. You see, the answer wasn’t from a sermon or from a self-help book … it came directly from life EXPERIENCE. The answer came “out” of me … unplanned and un-rehearsed. I replied, “You teach him by example.”
I then shared with this friend about the many occasions I have been with my son when we saw a fellow human being in need. I told him the story of when me and my son were driving along and saw a lady on the side of the road with a flat tire … I pulled over, offered help, replaced the flat with a spare and sent her on her way. My son watched me and learned. He learned how to change a tire … and how to help someone in need.
I shared the story about when my son and I were, once again, driving down the road and saw an old man limping down the side of the road. I looked at my son after we passed the man and said “We’re going back to give that man a ride to wherever he’s going.” We went back, picked the man up, and took him to the store. The old man was very appreciative … and my son watched and learned how to care for someone who needed physical help.
I shared the story of when my son and I were waiting in my truck outside the music store, waiting on my daughter to get through with her guitar lessons, when we heard a tapping on the window right beside my son’s head. A woman was there who was in need. She asked for a few dollars to buy a meal. She told us that her house had burned down the week before and she was living in a motel room. Instead of just handing her money, I took her to the nearest restaurant and bought her a meal and returned her to her motel … and my son was watching … and learning how to financially help others who are in need.
Yes, the truth is, if our children are going to learn how to be “caring and giving” they will learn it by seeing it in us. If you’re concerned that your kids are selfish and uncaring towards others, step up the amount of caring and giving that you offer to others around you. Do it deliberately, with the understanding that your kids (or grandkids) are watching and learning from you. These are the lessons that children will remember the most. Don’t just tell them, “Be more caring … be more giving.” Show them how to do it.
